Not So Lonely Valentine: Why It’s Best to be Single on V-Day

February 14, 2012

I wanted to write a blog about why it’s so great to be single on Valentine’s Day. The blog was going to focus mainly on the fact that you don’t have to put up with a lot of B.S. “gifts” when you’re single on Valentine’s Day. Like Whitman’s chocolates. We all know those came from CVS. You didn’t even have to go down the aisle. They were right up by the counter. Right along with that too-hard stuffed teddy bear that smells like CVS you gave me. That’s also from CVS. Don’t get me wrong – I love drug stores, but don’t buy me a gift from one. The main problem with these drugstore presents is that all of the unique, quirky things about you that your boyfriend loves are summarily ignored and forgotten when he gets you that waxy candy and piece-of-shit bear. You prefer fruit-based desserts and you hate animals. He knows this, but he ignores it, because he had to pick up razors for himself anyway. I resent that.

Worse than the CVS-bought gifts are the J.C. Penny bought gifts. Now I’m really reaching into my high school experience here, and I fully admit that I sound like a raging snob, but nothing is worse than that It’s-All-I-Could-Afford piece of jewelry from J.C. Penny. I mean, when you see that pale grey “jewelry” box, you’re all “Where’s that twelve-pack of Gillette Fusions?” Let’s face it. You already have perfectly nice real jewelry that your dad gave you. And you already have pieces of crap jewelry from H&M that you picked out yourself. Either option is better than the sterling-silver-and-aquamarine heart pendant you’re about to open. (HIM: “It’s your birthstone!!” YOU: “Yay!! Now I’ll never forget the 1/12th of the year I was born in!!”) From the moment you open that thing you’re just counting the days until you don’t have to risk lead poisoning by stringing it around your neck. (Hint: Usually 3 weeks; earlier if you have a “game” or “surgery” during which you can’t wear jewelry and just never put it back on.)

Finally, there’s the obligatory…fraternizing. I won’t get into that further, but suffice it to say that I’m only going to put in 10% if that’s what you put in. Get ready for the generic brand from CVS, okay?

That was the blog post I was going to write. But upon reflection I realize that maybe I see Valentine’s Day this way because I haven’t met the right person to share it with yet. And that’s fine. I’d much rather make fun of Valentine’s Day than spend it with the not-exactly-right person. That would likely end up as I described above. But I think that when you do find that person you want to spend it with, it takes on a different meaning. Then you have someone beside you to make fun of it with.


2 Responses to “Not So Lonely Valentine: Why It’s Best to be Single on V-Day”

  1. Corey Brown Says:

    I bought you a brief case from CVS.

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